This week is query critique week! Some brave authors have volunteered their query letters for us to give them some feedback. Keep in mind this is just our opinions and not written in store or gold. The writers have the options to take it or leave it, but hopefully walk away with something to think about.
Write on like,
Dear [AGENT NAME],
Liam enjoys being a demon. (<- Start here.) He gets to travel the Midwest on his motorcycle, chartering contracts for souls.
He's got a right-hand man who follows his orders without question, and who is more than happy to do most of the work on their assignments, giving Liam more time to spend with Mikael. As long as Gabriel stops annoying him, he could call this life pretty good. Since this is a story about characters, what if you start with the struggle of your protagonist? This paragraph makes me think there is nothing at stake. Is Gabriel a real threat, or just a nuisance?
This sounds like a great adventure! That being said, each sentence is packed with so much info that I think I have to reread them to make sure I got it right. Is Liam acting on his own accord? If Heaven is in disarray, does this mean Hell is too? Keep it simple and give us the juicy bits, not just backstory. Liam seems to be the one to root for, but why? Just because he's a cool demon, or because he's got a forbidden love affair?
THE FORCES OF HEAVEN AND HELL ALIKE is an 82,000 word completed urban fantasy which stands alone, but has series potential. [WHY THIS AGENT]
I am a member of the Works in Progress critique group, as well as a beta for the Book Country site
, and have learned valuable information from both resources. I graduated from UNC-Chapel Hill in 2001 with a double minor in Religion and Creative Writing and have always been drawn to the interrelationship of the two.
Thank you for your time and I look forward to your response.
Best of luck!